roy

2 big years without you bro, what’s up? Anything new? Not really, people continues to walk without any direction, most of them don’t care about the missing ones, the people keep distance among themselves, the government caused fear and mistrust, the parties keep on going, life goes on. The house? What can I say? Did you know that dad’s illness got better? He still makes the shrimp that you really like, the fish he showed you to cook is as delicious as ever. He has psychiatry sessions because he still thinks it was his fault because he wasn’t there that day. My grandparents, they keep their distance, actually my grandpa moved again. My grandma is still into religion, she still has that little book of prays, remember? She still prays with all her heart, what changed is that now she does it with your picture by her side, in fact one can say that now your picture is part of that little book.

And well my mom, my mom completely changed, in fact I don’t think you can recognize her, it seems like a veil has covered her face, one can tell the sadness from the distance, she’s a tireless warrior, if you knew how many mayors, delegates, MP agents, soldiers, marines, officers, anti-kidnapping chiefs, ministry officers she’s yelled at, straight in their faces, if you knew how far she’s gone searching for you, if you knew Indira, Chuy, Cordelia, Martin, Marcela, Diana, Oscar, friends of tireless struggle, friends that although they don’t know you, they hardly sleep, travel, accompany, they help so that you may return well. If you knew the love that my mom has for them. I wish you were here, man! There are moments when I need you, when I cry alone, when I wish you wouldn’t have opened your mouth when you said “leave it alone, I’m the oldest!” moments when I go to our home and I feel like those times when you used to throw yourself on me and tickle me, also moments when I feel like I’m missing half of my heart.

Me? Well what can I say? I still have the scar from when the police beat me and you tried to help me, actually it’s not healing, I gained like 20 Kilos and I have to go to therapy every Friday, I don’t play any sports now, I’m failing at school, by the way I’m studying International Relations and I chose to study Italian, the language that you liked so much. I met your friends from Libres y Locos and apparently I’ll go to Querétaro with them. Pff! 2 years without you have been really tough, 2 years in which I try to smile with my heart falling apart, 2 years without hearing your voice! Wow, that’s quite a long time, don’t you think so? By the way, haven’t you thought about coming back? It’s really hard seeing my mom crying every night, man, it’s really hard seeing her talking to photographs, it’s really hard that my dad has lost hope, let me tell you that I had never seen my grandpa crying and that bro, that is super tough. Maaan! You will be really ashamed of the picture of you that my mom and her friends have in their profiles, you look so damn ugly and you who wanted to go unnoticed in everything hahahaha you’re fucked because now you’re on lots of websites, newspapers, magazines, interviews, hahahaha how embarrassing! I don’t know what you’re up to, how you may be, how you’re being treated, but I wish that wherever you are this kiss I sent reaches you. 2 years without you, gorgeous, but the search won’t stop. Stay strong, Roy.

*This letter was originally published on January 11, 2013 on FUNDENL website: http://fundenl.org/carta-de-ricky-a-su-hermano-roy-a-dos-anos-de-su-desaparicion/
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